STARKENBURG, MO Pilgrimage 2011

MISSOURI

BOTTOMS

Near the hamlet of

 Rhineland

Where the big Missouri

Flows

At the Shrine

Of Starkenburg

Our Lady felt

The blows

They didn’t come

From infidels

Or atheistic

Goals

But screeching

Harpy-hags

With Christian baptized

Souls

Big-bottomed

Jean-clad gals

They tried to stop

The priests

I heard one on

Her cell phone shout

“They trampled

Me like beasts!”

And then a haughty-hag

She howled,

“You’re dressed

Pathetic!”

“What?”  Said I

“I’m the mother of ten

A traditional trend-setting

Aesthetic!”

“Ten kids and

Traditional Catholic!”

Her face turned red

Then mean

“Not only do you

Despoil goddess-earth

You haven’t the

Grace to go green!”

She shot a call

To the Sheriff

But she didn’t shout

The Deputy down

The Deputy, I heard,

Was at a concert

Eric Clapton

Was playing in town

And during

The Mass

The State Patrol

Came...

And the

County Sheriff

He did

The same...

And after Mass

We left the Shrine

Quietly smiling

In prayer

The policemen with

Their mouths wide opened

Politely they

Did stare

And as we were leaving

The big-bottomed gals

They railed and they

Did shout

“Get out of here, get your own

Stinkin’  Shrine

Real Catholics we’ll

Keep out!”

So if you’re ever near

Rhineland

Where the big Missouri

Flows

Be sure to visit Starkenburg

At the Shrine

Of Our Lady of

Sorrows

But dress like you’re

A Muslim

Or Hindu in

Silk greens

For the Shrine is guarded

To keep Catholics out

By big-bottomed gals

In jeans!