ALL approved Masses!

stlouiscatholic.blogspot.com

Dear Editor:

I am a local Catholic blogger who seeks a position as advice columnist in your local Catholic newspaper.
My qualifications include wordiness, love of the Church, weird sense of humour, wordiness, a penchant for using British spellings of otherwise perfectly good words, a healthy dose of cynicism, my own computer, ridiculous screen name, wordiness, lots of time on my hands, wordiness, and the common touch. Willing to learn humility and charity, if necessary.
For your consideration, I am submitting a writing sample for your review, using a question you actually published this week:

Q: Recently, with a retired priest as celebrant, our deacon said he would give some instructional narrations during Mass. When the priest made the sign of the cross, the narrator said, "This is the start of the Mass, and now the priest will say the antiphon, which is the opening prayer." And so on until the final blessing, followed by the narration, "That is the end of the Mass." The school children and parents applauded. I've seen religious educators explain the parts at a "pretend" Mass, but never at a genuine Mass. Do I put this down as an "instructional Mass?" Will you explain what kind of Mass this is?

(My Answer) A:

Certainly. It's called an abomination.
I confidently await your employment offer.

Cordially,thetimman

BY
BISHOPS
WITH
MITRES

By Bishops with mitres
They are all approved
Diverse ways to worship
Must not be removed.

You have yours –
And they have theirs –
Vernacular’s fine
And too – Latin prayers.

By Bishops with mitres
You all have your right
Diocesan, public
Or at home out of sight.

Go-along-to-get-along
Ghettoized mixed Masses…
But no pious-Priest schools
With daily absolutes in classes!